rules of tailgating

Check out this story about a tailgating weekend in Knoxville over on SEC Sports Fan. Highlights include:

10:56 a.m. After a successful stint at the Tap Room (since we weren’t asked to leave this time) we headed up to our old stomping grounds, the Longbranch Saloon, for our traditional PBR tall boy. After I ordered the beers, an LSU fan smiled, shook my hand and said, “You two are the only people under 60 years of age I have ever seen order a PBR.” I offered to buy him one, and he politely refused, so I told Coach B, “For the first time in the history of the SEC, an LSU fan has turned down a free beer. Call hell and see what the temperature is.”

There aren’t hipsters in Baton Rouge? The boys also have this advice…

One thing I should mention to all SEC fans is to properly display your car flags. When driving to the game, always observe the two flag minimum. Flying only one flag makes you look like either a Yankee, or my third cousin Cliff, who likes to make his own leather belts.

vs.

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Staying on the topic of our 10 Time Tested Tailgating Tips, Kegs ‘n Eggs has a list of Tailgating DO’s and DON’Ts. A sample:

DO: Bring a football. If you didn’t know that, “DO” punch yourself in the groin.

DON’T: Making food “the” priority versus a good stomach base is a classic mistake. 1) Don’t buy some vintage/expensive meat that you make at family gatherings. And 2) Eating too much can take out a good chunk of the day due to heartburn.

DO: Dress Code Ethics: I am open when it comes to apparel. Old school helmets, obscene outfits, etc – but make sure you’re built to sustain the weather. Too much clothing can be deadly early on in the football season so be wary.

DON’T: Please God don’t go shirtless. We get it, you have a 6-pack. Now, kindly go fail miserably hitting on freshmen talent and fade away into the tailgating oblivion. There’s no room for this kind of DON’T.

DO: Know your fight songs, people. Holding up one arm and mumbling might seem like your fitting in, but I’ll target you from a mile away.

DON’T: Puking isn’t a topic people like, but we’re not afraid. There’s nothing wrong with sneaking off somewhere and taking care of business if you have to. If you do take this route, DON’T act like you’re God afterwards and don’t go into lame mode.

DO: On that note, gum is a always a good idea.

(HT: tailgatingideas.com)

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The #1 rule of tailgating is to remember that the game comes first and everything else is secondary. Drinking, grilling, talking shit, playing games, etc are all fun as hell. But remember this is the pre-party for the show inside the stadium. Blacking out is for after the game. During the 2nd quarter you still need to be able to recognize the left guard whiffing on a block or a linebacker making a great play in coverage. You only get 7-8 home games a year, don’t waste them.

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It’s the first home game this fall and you’re tailgating with family and friends. You’ve had a few beers, a few appetizers, and you’ve reflected on the promise of a new season. It’s time to start grilling some hamburgers and really get going. You lift up the lid to the grill and instead of charcoal you find a Smirnoff Ice staring you down. Bro, you’ve just been iced. Get down on one knee and chug that silly bottle of malt beverage.

It seems that Bros Icing Bros is the fastest growing drinking game/prank/internet fad out there. As such, you should expect to be assaulted with an Ice while setting up your tent at 8am on gameday. Per the official site:

“Bro’s might ask… what’s the fun in that? Well it’s all about creativity. Planting an ice in a discrete location where your bro might not know where it is. For example… one of my bro’s gave an ice to a bartender and asked him to hold onto it until his other bro showed up. Bro 1 asks Bro 2 if he wants a beer. The bartender then presents Bro 2 with the ice. An instant chant of “you got iced” precedes and Bro 2 chugs the ice on the spot. The best part of the game is that you can ice anyone in on the game at any moment in any place. Bro’s have been iced in restaurants, walking down the street, and at completely inappropriate times, which makes the game all the better.

Now there are some simple rules to the game:

1.)You cannot refuse an ice. If you refuse to drink the ice you are instantly excommunicated and shunned, and thus can never ice another bro or be iced.

2.)If you are iced by a fellow bro you can ice block. When presented w/ an ice, you pull out an ice of your own and reverse the ice on your bro. The ultimate ice insult.”

In reality, tailgating is about the most convenient place to be Iced. Drinking laws are relaxed, you’ve luckily secured a safe driving situation, and you don’t have any major responsibilities. Finding a Smirnoff ice in a cereal box one morning, in your office desk drawer, or just before exercising are much worse fates. Bros Icing Bros is rumored to have started in South Carolina and even taken place in offices at Goldman Sachs. When practiced with a dash of creativity, I fully support the movement. Consider yourself on notice.

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Any of age male Drunken Tailgater shall not wear a jersey unless they are the relative or close friend of a player. Leave the jerseys for hot girls and little kids. Why? Because you look like a tool. That’s really the only reason necessary.

This is not ok:

This is very much ok:

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