The Drunken Tailgate

Penn State: Man vs. Woman Funnel Race

I don’t know if Penn State tailgaters are worse than other fans or if they are just more willing to tape themselves and post it on Youtube. Either way, here’s another helping to follow up on previous Happy Valley tailgating exploits.

Be Warned: Bros Icing Bros

It’s the first home game this fall and you’re tailgating with family and friends. You’ve had a few beers, a few appetizers, and you’ve reflected on the promise of a new season. It’s time to start grilling some hamburgers and really get going. You lift up the lid to the grill and instead of charcoal you find a Smirnoff Ice staring you down. Bro, you’ve just been iced. Get down on one knee and chug that silly bottle of malt beverage.

It seems that Bros Icing Bros is the fastest growing drinking game/prank/internet fad out there. As such, you should expect to be assaulted with an Ice while setting up your tent at 8am on gameday. Per the official site:

“Bro’s might ask… what’s the fun in that? Well it’s all about creativity. Planting an ice in a discrete location where your bro might not know where it is. For example… one of my bro’s gave an ice to a bartender and asked him to hold onto it until his other bro showed up. Bro 1 asks Bro 2 if he wants a beer. The bartender then presents Bro 2 with the ice. An instant chant of “you got iced” precedes and Bro 2 chugs the ice on the spot. The best part of the game is that you can ice anyone in on the game at any moment in any place. Bro’s have been iced in restaurants, walking down the street, and at completely inappropriate times, which makes the game all the better.

Now there are some simple rules to the game:

1.)You cannot refuse an ice. If you refuse to drink the ice you are instantly excommunicated and shunned, and thus can never ice another bro or be iced.

2.)If you are iced by a fellow bro you can ice block. When presented w/ an ice, you pull out an ice of your own and reverse the ice on your bro. The ultimate ice insult.”

In reality, tailgating is about the most convenient place to be Iced. Drinking laws are relaxed, you’ve luckily secured a safe driving situation, and you don’t have any major responsibilities. Finding a Smirnoff ice in a cereal box one morning, in your office desk drawer, or just before exercising are much worse fates. Bros Icing Bros is rumored to have started in South Carolina and even taken place in offices at Goldman Sachs. When practiced with a dash of creativity, I fully support the movement. Consider yourself on notice.

How to Carry and Clean a Flask

AskMen.com has an article on tips for all aspects of owning a flask. This is a pretty helpful article but I do disagree with them on some points

1. Where to Stash Your Flask

AskMen says: Inside jacket pocket, trouser pocket, or inside boots.

Drunken Tailgate says: This may work for day to day life but entering college stadiums often requires more extreme measures. The boots will still work, but I suggest placing the flask inside the waistband of your boxers in the front or back and then making sure to cleanly tuck your shirt in. You’re more likely to get a “lift your shirt up” order than an “untuck your shirt”.

2. What to Put in a Flask?

AskMen says: Whiskey because it can be taken as a shot or mixed with a variety of drinks

Drunken Tailgate says: We agree. Though if you can’t handle it, gin or vodka goes with a souvenir cup of Sprite

3. How Often Do You Empty the Contents?

AskMen says: A week

Drunken Tailgate says: We’re guilty of finishing off a flask that’s been full for a month so we may not the best person to ask.

4. How Do You Clean a Flask?

AskMen says: “It’s as simple as this: rinse it out with hot water when you get home, leave the cap off and let it dry overnight. Never use soap because you’ll never get the residue out of the flask completely, and this will affect the taste of the liquor. Rinse it with a little lemon juice occasionally, if you are changing the type of booze you carry.”

Drunken Tailgate says: agreed

5. When to Use a Flask

AskMen says: Games and Cookouts but not Weddings

Drunken Tailgate says: Everywhere you damn well please other than the courthouse or while driving. Once you’ve filled up the flask you’ve accepted a certain level of being a drunk and the consequences.

6. Who to Share it With

AskMen says: Only people you’re sleeping with

Drunken Tailgate says: Avoid the problem. Buy someone a cheap flask and remind them to fill it up. There’s really no better way to be a friend and run a tailgate then to help those who can’t help themselves.

Kraken Black Spiced Rum – You Must Release It

Like everyone else, I was magnetized by Liam Neeson’s “RELEASE THE KRAKEN” line from the Clash of the Titans trailer. Not magnetized enough to see the movie, but enough to use the quote to incessantly punctuate a moment. And it was with this childish zeal that a bottle of Kraken caught my eye as I wandered down the rum aisle. An “Unleash the Kraken” (copyrights?) advertisement towered above the magnificently designed bottle and I was pretty much sold. From the best I can tell, this dark coffee colored rum debuted sometime last summer or fall. So it was either a heads up move on their part or just convenient timing. Movie connections aside, I decided to give it a try. If your main experience with rum is Bacardi Light or The Cap’n, you should just go ahead and forget all of your preconceived notions. Kraken comes off somewhere between rum and a liqueur like Kahlúa.

I’m currently “releasing the Kraken” on the rocks. Rather tasty with chocoloate, molasses, and vanilla all being present. At 94 proof it also holds it’s own with your standard whiskey. I’ll reserve my full judgement until I try it with a few mixers, but at the moment, it comes off as a bit of desert drink. Sugary enough by itself to be enjoyed as a nightcap or a postgame celebration. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I picked up a 1.75L bottle for $24.98 so it’s very reasonably priced. You can see some detailed and beautiful pictures of the packaging thanks to NotCot. The official site has some humerous content and a poorly functioning store locator.

A Lightweight Recyclable Flask

The fine folks at Recycle-A-Flask were kind enough to send me over a sample of their product. In order to fulfill my duties as a reviewer, I filled the flask up with bourbon and took it for a test drive at a spring game. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team.

So what separates this flask from the others? For starters, it’s made from recyclable plastic for the more environmentally conscious alcoholic. But that also means that it can be tossed in a recycling bin, will make it through a metal detector, is lightweight, and affordable. These bad boys will only set you back about $2 so it’s not an issue if you need to trash it when it’s empty. The Recycle-A-Flask comes with a funnel and holds five fluid ounces, bridging the gap between sneaking in miniatures or an 8-12oz flask. Personally, my main goal for sneaking in liquor is to prevent the hangover and yelling induced headache that inevitably emerges in the second half. With it’s small size and black plastic, this flask more closely resembles a Blackberry than a shiny metal reminder that you are skirting the rules. I confidently brandished mine with a cop about 7 rows below me in a fairly empty stadium. Now for the real genius of this flask, the clear plastic viewing window on one side allows you to see how much liquor is left. This cuts down on over pours and unknowingly running out.

If you local liquor store isn’t carrying these yet, you can buy standard or personalized versions online at FunFlasks.com. If you check out their Facebook Fan Page you may be able to get one for free. This nifty little flask is easy to use when full and less cumbersome in your pocket when you’re done. The Drunken Tailgate approves.

New Way to Package and Transport Draft Beer?

After developing a stigma nearly 20 years ago, boxed wine is on the verge of making a comeback thanks to environmental issues and the success of screw tops on the market. After the major disappearance of party balls and the inability of the Heineken Mini Keg to gain any real traction, the beer industry could head the same way. An engineering student in Australia has developed a way to efficiently store beer in a cardboard container.

“With a two-pronged focus on cost and environmental impact, Hussey’s invention eschews pricier bottles, kegs and cans in favor of a revolutionary collapsible container that maintains the CO2 pressure while barring oxygen. And it’s turned heads. Hussey is one of 14 finalists in the student category of the 2010 Australian Design Award and the Australian component of the James Dyson Award who will advance to the global competition.”

My only question would be whether or not there is a way to cool the beer. Besides that, it works in every way for tailgating.

Stocking a Small Liquor Bar

7×7 has written an article about stocking a small liquor bar in an apartment. Of course, if you’re the sort to have a selection of liquor sitting out at your tailgate, the same rules apply. The goal for each type of liquor is to find a brand that is tasty and all purpose for cocktails. Check out the article to see the runner-ups.

Vodka: Ketel One
Tequila: Siete Leguas Reposado
Rum: Rhum Barbancourt White
Bourbon: Buffalo Trace
Gin: Plymouth

When is a drink not a drink?

The above photo is supposedly a smart ass response to a reprimand from a fraternity’s leaders. As a result they decided to self-impose a one drink limit for tailgating. The administration at Northeastern University doesn’t want it’s kids to follow down a similar path. So they’ve written out a set of alcohol basics for it’s students. The school breaks down how much of liquor, wine, beer, etc. is considered to be a drink. They have even provided a diagram of how much of each liquid in a Solo cup counts as a “drink”. For a school, this is actually pretty realistic advice as opposed to a strict “no alcohol” hide your head in the sand approach. Of course, I always advise to fill the liquor up to the first major indention (their wine line) when mixing a drink.